Perspective is a hell of a drug...

In recent weeks it has been a bit more difficult to see the point of exercising my best efforts on the multitude of tasks one of my certain age, family status, and business partnership might have laid on their path. We all have some times in our life where we may be able to relate, I imagine.

Sometimes it can be an off mood, and sometimes it can be full blown knock out drag out depression. In my case I would argue that I was significantly closer to the latter. For me these mood shifts have been a thing that I have dealt with on what I can only describe as some kind of wave or cycle for most if not all of my life.

Those closest to me could testify to the fact that sometimes I have stars in my eyes, and almost as often almost don’t possess the vision to see the most basic positive aspects of life right in front of my face. I don’t have any sort of label or diagnosis for this nor do I feel it necessary at this point in my life to seek them out. I am stating all of this simply to add some context to the fact that recently things have been tough, and it has been compounded by the fact the my inner dialog has been stuck on repeat.

Brain Ben, as I will refer to it here, has been sounding off with a rhetoric similar to, “You can’t be happy.” and, “You have everything you asked for and you still feel this way. What is the point?” Dark right? I’m aware.

It can be a bit hopeless at times, and if i am being frank...I get worried about the possibility of getting lost in those feelings too long, and not being able to climb out. But luckily my small, but powerful circle of people looks out for me, and seems to be there without fail to lift me up when things get too bad.

Here is what I don’t like... I don’t like being a burden, and I don’t like the idea of not being in control of my own life, even if those times are brief. 

I have spent much of my time in the last few years doing some inner work. No rhyme or reason really. Just a collection of thought days, audiobooks, podcasts, conversations with others, and even more with myself.

What have I learned through all this? Not much. It seems to be a moving target, but one thing that always seems to surface in times of need is the universe jumping in to show me that things are never as bad as they could be. That may seem like a cynical tough guy approach, but for some reason reaching the conclusion of hopelessness seems absolutely ridiculous when stood up next to some of the things that go on in the world just out of sight

So, in the last few weeks, when I really take pause and look at the issues that caused my mind to spin out and give me the feeling that it was working against me were largely superficial and self created.

Why was I stressed? Money? It comes and goes. My family ate every single day. Time? Most of the deadlines in my life are self imposed, and the rest simply aren’t really affecting the world in a way that is going to matter for anything outside of my own cloud of frustration that manifested by frivolous expectations. Physical issues? Make better choices Ben. Work? You have a consistent job, and options. I could do this all day.

The point is; to have these “issues” is a privilege when a huge percentage of the world's population is struggling to find clean water or freedom from persecution or any number of heavy things we choose to omit from our immediate focus.

To remember these things on a regular basis can be heavy and uncomfortable, however it can also be a healthy reminder that the podcast is fine, the fact that you struggle to eat LESS is crazy, and the love you're surrounded with is more precious than all of it combine 1000X.

I am not always happy. I am not always grounded.

I AM always greatful. My life is good.

I appreciate you reading what is basically a journal entry, but do me one favor if you have gotten this far... Look at what you have, and remember someone else would do anything to be where you are.